What I've heard/learned about being gay in rural Texas. . . see blog below

Read my post about being gay in rural america below:
When I moved to the county:
The first person who I told I was gay/bisexual was a fat dude who farmed peanuts, watermelon and owned a feed store. His family was wealthy. He had actually gone to my college. He asked me out after he met me. I didn't think my gf would like that, plus I wasn't interested, so I politely declined. Then I asked, "What do you think about me being gay?" I wanted to see if he was grossed out or was cool with it or had advise about being gay in a biggoted area. He  seemed cool with it all and didn't really have anything to say . When I told my gf I had told him I was bisexual, she got angry and told me that was slutty and that "you don't tell a dude that you're bisexual because it gives them the wrong idea and it gives them fantasies." Ok. Whoops. I'm sorry. I didn't even think like that.. My other lesbian friend told me the same thing- don't tell him you're bisexual.
Turns out 6 months later that this guy has been arrested for sexual relations with a minor and intent to distribute porn. He was paying 15 year old boys money so he could give the boys head. (Seems a bit backwards to me. Oh well. . . it's a messed up world.) He would chat them up on facebook late at night and invite them to his house to "play video games."   
That was one experience I had. So, my girlfriend still blames me and says I was leading a pervert on. Nuh Uh, girl.
The next person I told was the guy who gave me my tattoo: It turned out his son was gay and he was telling me several stories. He said at first he didn't like it, but the idea has marinated and he's a cool dad who looks out for his gay 16-year-old son. I told him I was actually getting part of my girlfriend's name incorporated into my tattoo. He acted like boys get bullied and picked on in the country if they are gay, and women. . . well I just shouldn't tell people because it could be hard for me as well.
The third person who spoke about being gay was an older veterinarian who I was interviewing. He began talking about female vets. He said the majority of people in vet school are women, but he sees that as a problem.  First of all, women want to get married and if they have husbands who move, they are likely to move cities. When they have kids they will take off of work and some will never return.  He said, "Now if she's a lesbian, that's a different story. She won't be moving for a man and probably not having kids."  Ha ha- that made me laugh what big of a difference he thought he saw between lesbians and straight women. I thought, "I want to have kids. And, I would consider moving if my significant other had a great place to move to."
Now, I don't recall ever holding hands or making out outside of my house, but I know I never tried to hide any affection. . . so I was nicely surprised when my female neighbor told my new neighbors that I was a lesbian. Way to go, girl! So, of course, when they meet me, they are like, "What's it gonna take to convert you?" Way to sound like assholes trying to change someone you just met. I knew they were just kidding and letting me know that they knew.
So. . . those are the  stories I can relate to about being gay in rural Texas.

Gay kids in rural America

http://www.autostraddle.com/mary-gray-knows-what-it-feels-like-for-gay-kids-in-rural-america-89257/

Mary Gray Knows What it Feels Like For Gay Kids in Rural America

Mary Gray, the queer author of Out in the Country: Youth, Media, and Queer Visibility in Rural America and In Your Face: Stories from the Lives of Queer Youth,sat down for an Autostraddle interview about the lives of rural LGBT teens. Out in The Country shatters some stereotypes about life in a small town and reinforces others. I first discovered Gray’s work in a gender studies class and was excited to meet her when she visited Tulane University. In person Gray is warm, engaging, and incredibly intelligent— and um, really attractive! During our interview Gray discussed rural realities, queer identity claim making, violence, and the girls she couldn’t put in the book. In addition to research and writing, Mary Gray is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Communication and Culture at Indiana University, Bloomington. You can buy Out in the Country HERE

Chloe: Tell me how and why you conceived the idea of Out in the Country?

Mary Gray: I grew up in a small town and I was really curious by the time I grew what it would be like to stay put. I didn’t like it, I didn’t hate it, but I definitely got a sense that if I wanted my life to look different than what was around me I’d have to leave and go to school. I wanted to imagine what politics could happen in a hometown like mine.

What was the age range and socioeconomic status of the people you interviewed for Out in The Country?

I focused on folks who were 14 to 24. I wanted to mostly focus on people who were under 18 and didn’t have the means to leave. Most of the people I worked with were working class, working poor, either on social security insurance or they have service jobs.

How would you say the experience of female sex LGBT youth differed from male sex LGBT youth?

The young men who were gay identifying had a little more room to be fairly open about their identities. Several of them commented that it was something they had always been told they were, so it was no surprise to anyone when they came out. The men were always “the gay kid,” but I didn’t meet any women who said “I was always the lesbian.” I would argue a lot of that is because in terms of representative and visibility a lot of the representations we have are of gay, white men, which isn’t true for women. We really don’t have a consistent representation of what kind of room one makes for a lesbian or bi identifying women in popular culture. The biggest difference is that there’s an accessible public identity that was always pinned on young men but wasn’t available for young women.

Does that seem like a negative or positive to you?

Both. I think women weren’t constantly pressured to make claims about their identity. While the young men would often comment about being the one gay kid, they were also consistently harassed from a very young age. That wasn’t the case with women. People didn’t assume they were gay for being a tomboy or athletic. So women certainly talked about being able to fly under the radar. At the same time, most women in their communities the step after high school was getting married and they didn’t want that either. I don’t think they had the room to say, as part of their identity, this was or was not about being a specific guy. Particularly for women who really wanted to be with other women I think they felt conflicted about the lack of ability of settling down.

How did the community reaction differ for women?

Because women were not assumed to be hiding something nor did they have the pressure to come out, I think that affected how they were harassed. The young women who were the most gender nonconforming were the ones who got harassed the most. If there was the level physical violence that men discussed, they weren’t willing to talk about it. It’s tough to know what kind of violence happens to young women, who constantly have to prove something about their gender through their sexuality. Being physically available to men was a way of coping. I definitely know that some young women felt remaining sexually available to young men was a way of keeping the peace. That’s pretty violent. It’s tough to say in terms of harassment because young men talked about more stories of physical abuse but I think young women experienced a different kind of abuse.

That’s a good point because I think media representations of gay women and men are so different. Girls are ok as long as ultimately they’re performing for men, and that’s equally toxic.

Absolutely, I totally agree… And I think that’s precisely why there was some room given to homoeroticism between women, but only up to a point. The mentality is as long as it’s contained and has nothing to do with a relationship, we’re good here. I think that’s one of the places women struggled the most was, “how do I lay claim to specific identities and be part of a broader queer nation of women if I’m expected to act like a lady, marry, and be a mother”? I think things will really shift in the next decade or so because people won’t find it contradictory to be a queer women and a mom. It’s really rocking people’s world right now that it’s an option.

What factors do you think influenced the level of visibility?

I think the things that limited someone’s visibility were precisely the things that enabled it. The expectation that they’re going to be visible, out, loud, and proud was a testament to them. There was a group of guys who had a car with a rainbow sticker on it. Whenever they went through a specific county, they would peel off the rainbow sticker. I asked, ”Don’t you feel like your closeting yourself, doesn’t that feel demeaning that you can’t have your rainbow sticker on all the time?” One of them responded “I’m not less gay when I take the rainbow sticker off my car. I just know that if I have that in my car, I’m going to piss off people who are already angry at me.”

How did religion play LGBT experiences?

Many were ambivalent towards organized religion, but still felt a deep spirituality. Not too many of them seemed to be too broken up about not being in their church because I don’t think they necessarily associated their church with their sense of spirituality or religion… For the parents, I was surprised by how many of them turned to faith as a source of support for their children. One of my favorite families included a young person transitioning from female to male, whose mom was amazingly supportive woman. When I asked, “Where did your support for your child come from?” she replied, “You know, I’m a very religious person. God doesn’t make trash. So my child is not trash.”

What stereotypes or preconceptions about LGBT life in rural areas did you find most inaccurate?

The idea that everyone is going to be a hater. More often than not I found folks were either neutral or positive, and just didn’t have the forum to say they were absolutely fine with LGBT identifying people.

What negative stereotypes or preconceptions about LGBT life in rural areas were true?

Substance abuse. One of the things I didn’t write about in the book that I wish I had more courage to write about was recognizing how much of a problem methamphetamines and prescription pill abuse were, particularly in this age group. There are definitely folks getting no support that would give them the option of feeling hopeful. So that was pretty hard.

You said there were 7 girls that withdrew from the book. Is there anything in particular about their experiences that wish you could have written about?

If there was one thing I wish I would have been able to say, it was that young women in rural places carry a lot of weight and responsibility on their shoulders. I think they really have needs and in particular advocacy that we are woefully unable to provide, and I think sex and sexuality was a way for them to feel powerful and in control.

For more about Mary Gray visit her blog.

Ellen is adorable. . .



Look how happy she is! She always gets a kick out of her audience.

And I've liked Portia since I first saw her acting, plus she has the last name of my best friend. But ELLEN. . . I've really discovered her over the past few months. I love her. She's adorable. Funny. Happy. Kind. Appropriate. Ellen and Portia make one nice lookin' couple.

Sweet

 
I don't think I've ever seen Ellen look so good as she does now. That short, choppy crop is flattering. And I like her little sweaters/grandpa cardigans, ties and her kicks resemble golfing shoes.She's a cute dancer. Do you know how old she is? She's 53!!! I couldn't believe it.

Cute couple


Well, I've started recording her show and I really enjoy it. It's funny, cute and entertaining. For some reason, 'lil ol Ellen just does something to me. She makes me smile.

Loves Portia and Dogs

 I've come to look up to her and I think tons of other women should, too. She's a comedian and she doesn't have to be censored and she keeps it clean. I'm always shocked at how much class she has.

Tee hee


Strutting her stuff on the runway.



Then. . . the other day I watched If These Walls Could Talk 2. There was lovely fashion icon Chloe Vagigny. . . I mean Sevigny. There was Michelle Williams. . . Mmm, one of my favorite actresses. Cute AND sexy. Great body. Great actress. Child-like face. There was Sharon Stone- one hot mama who's been around the block. There was Natasha Lyonne- funny girl who's always in interesting movies. Then. . . there she was. . . ELLEN. I loved the movie. Nice scenarios, good cast. Then I saw Ellen getting naked. . . and making love. Did I catch a glimps of her titty? Yes! I kinda felt awkward seeing Ellen's boob. It sorta reminded me of accidentally seeing my mom's boob. . . but it was different. So I reround it. And I watched Ellen make love and show me a sneak peak of titty once more. Oh Ellen. . . Now I'll have to say you're a good actress too. Getting naked for the love of story telling. Nothing beats that!


Wow Ellen!



Texas Could Soon Abolish Transgender Marriages

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/texas-could-soon-abolish-transgender-marriages/

Am I the lonely, only one?

The other day I read a post on Effingdykes.blogspot that got me thinking about lesbians and wishing I knew more lesbians. By the way, Effingdykes is a really funny, well written blog.
The writer is new to her job and thinks there are a shit load of dykes there b/c they all have assymetrical 'dos, girlband tees on, and facial piercings. All of these girls turned out to be straight and the writer was Alone as the only lesbian at work.
Then one day, she sees her boss and her boss's gf at a coffee shop. Yea! She found someone who was a fellow queer at her office!
But now she talks about how her boss is Alone. The writer was her boss's first dyke friend.
Man. . . that is Just  Like Me! I've only been around my ex-girlfriend and one other lesbian friend. My lesbian friend used to date guys, so she calls herself bi-sexual. She's the type of girl that isn't a trendy gay. She wears the obvious, with no hint of style put in there. She wears the low slung, baggy pants and surf brand tees or her favorite as of late- Paramore shirt. Tee hee. No makeup. Small glasses. Thick soled skateboarder shoes. Hair pulled back into a pony tail. She just happened to know all the lesbians in her town. And I was stuck thinking. . . How do I get to know these kinds of people? I even went so far as to think I better start changing the way I look because "How will girls know I'm into girls if I look like a straight chick?" Well, I decided not to worry about that. I don't need to change myself- what comes my way will come my way. I'm not forcing nuttin'.
Back to the blog writer. She talks about how her gay friends Saved her. They became her family; they swooped her up in their arms when she needed it; they told her it was ok for her to be herself. They threw the best parties; they opened her brain from her sheltered Mormon upbringing; they were amazing! She wondered how long could her boss have lived without other homos? She says so many faggots are lonely and think they're the only ones at school or work or even in their town (like me)! She says friends are friends and some people don't care if their friends are gay or straight. . .
But I think I'd enjoy hanging out with other gay people. Let them open me up some more and teach me things. I got tired of my ex trying to lecture me about the difference between queers and lesbians. Yeesh. Maybe someone else can teach me without bitching it at me.
I, too, will find my family  : )

She : (

She was the one who I loved. She was the one who put a ring on my finger in December. She was the one I wanted to wake up to for the rest of my life. She was the one I dreamed of adopting kids with and living on the beach with. She was my first female relationship. She had a quality I couldn't resist. She was the best kisser. She made me laugh. She turned me on. . . . She was volatile. She was jealous. She stopped fitting in to my life. . . and then she broke up with me.